What Dads Really want for Father’s Day
Yes, we men love our gizmo’s, our barbecues, our Apple Watches, our whatevers. They do give us something we really appreciate, but it’s not what we really want. What we really want is something much deeper.
As you probably know all too well, life as a parent gets really consuming. There’s so little time to feel that we aren’t just in a rat race or a routine. Most all of us often feel unappreciated and unvalued for the immense amount of work it takes to raise kids. We feel constantly in service to others and so rarely really valued for who we are beyond our actions.
Father’s Day is a chance to support your man to feel like they’re deeply valued. Like they’re king for a day. Not an oppressive jerk king, but a king who’s adored and loved and valued by his people.
Here are four things that you can do to support your man to feel like he’s king for a day. Thus, filling him with the reserve that will allow him to make it through the tough realities of being a parent and a human in this world.
Step 1: Show appreciation
Appreciation is gold for all of us. Being acknowledged for what we do, having somebody tell us that they see what we’re doing and that they like what we’re doing, really feeds us.
The reality of being parents is that we are often commenting on how the other person isn’t doing their part. We become so stressed by our long list that we get triggered when the other person doesn’t clean the whole kitchen, or doesn’t take out the trash. Those become our points of contact, rather than the comments about how much that person does for you and how much they bring to the family.
Whatever it is that person brings, whether it’s income, care or attention, take a moment to sit down and think. What are the actions my partner really does to contribute to this family? Then in a card, list the things that you appreciate about them. Take the time to find the words that show that you see your partner for what they do for you and the family.
Through the day comment on how much you value him. Yes, of course you might be disappointed in some things he does on a daily basis, but let that be more in the background and let the appreciation come to the foreground.
Step 2: Ritual of Love
The second step that you can do is to create some simple ritual with the kids where Dad is given or treated to something. Breakfast in bed is what I love. It’s wonderful to feel the family coming together and each member doing their little parts to celebrate us as the Dads.
It doesn’t have to be grand. A meal, a picnic, a dance or whatever you know would touch your man’s heart. Feeling loved by one’s family is precious and so easily lost in the routine of our lives. A few minutes on this day can make a real difference.
Step 3: Sex. The Special Kind
Good sex is an amazing experience where we get to be really intimate. So often this potential gets lost in a routine that kills the depth and passion. Women often mistakenly think that men just want sex because it feels good and just as often men mistake what they love about sex is the physical experience. But when looked at more closely, it becomes clear that the amazing experience in sex is what happens on an emotional level.
What most of us don’t realize is that the thing about sex we all really love is the experience of a person saying yes to us. Having a woman open themselves and say they want us fills us with a deep satisfaction. It is amazing to us men that women want us to be so intimate as to be inside of them. It shows that we really are adored and wanted, when it’s not done in a routine, matter-of-fact way.
That is what so wonderful about lingerie or something out of the routine. It shows you taking the time to make us feel good. It really touches us that we matter that much. It’s obviously hard as a mom to take the space to prepare such things, but do the little things that you can as it doesn’t have to grand.
As I discuss extensively in the video How to have a Baby & Still have Sex, it’s very normal for sex to be quite unappealing for quite some time after the birth, so definitely don’t do anything that doesn’t feel right to you. Just know that behind all your man’s toughness, it’s your “yes”, your love and your appreciation that he really wants.
Step 4: A Thoughtful Gift
Gifts aren’t as important as you think, but they are a chance to express appreciation and love. “Here, I thought about what you would like, what would touch you and I took the time to get it for you.” It doesn’t have to be something superb or exactly right. It’s the thoughtfulness.
It’s showing that he’s adored and valued. We all want that as humans and that’s ideally what gifts give us. Not just the chance to just go and play with our gizmos, but a chance to feel that somebody really loves and cares about us.
Knowing we are loved and appreciated really makes all the tough effort of being a parent worthwhile. By using any or all of these four things you can make your man feel like a king for a day.
• Show appreciation
• Ritual of Love
• Sex. The Special Kind
• A Thoughtful Gift