How to get your Wife Pregnant

Getting your wife or girlfriend pregnant can obviously be a very joyful, sinful, fun experience or it can be a nightmare. When it gets to be nightmarish, it can really take your whole family down. So often when there are fertility issues, the woman can become deeply distressed and we men often leave them to fix the problem. This imbalance is another place where father’s end up disempowered and mothers overburdened.

The reality is that men’s physical condition can greatly affect fertility and if we men actively engage in the process of getting pregnant, then this difficult hurdle is more easily navigated by the two of you operating as a team. Left to be handled by the woman, it quickly becomes a situation where she is feeling scared and overwhelmed by the prospect of not getting pregnant, nagging us to change our behaviors and feeling alone in the process. So this information will empower you to be an active member of the team and more quickly enable you to have a child.

There are a number of things that you can do to empower yourself to be the best baby producer you can be. Unfortunately, there are many ways that we treat our bodies that significantly decrease our fertility. First let’s go through the list of things you need to be careful about.

1. Limit Consumption

You should limit alcohol consumption to one or two drinks a day. Smoking cigarettes is bad, as is marijuana, cocaine and any other of the illegal drugs. Antidepressants, steroids, getting stressed out, putting your laptop on your lap, carrying your cellphone in your pocket, all of these things have been shown scientifically to decrease your ability to get your partner pregnant. Of course, we can’t completely prevent some of these things from happening and no one is clear how much of these substances it’s safe to consume. So we do our best.

2. Beware of getting into some hot water & Protect the 3-Month Life Cycle

Jacuzzis or anything that leads to increased heat around your scrotum decreases your sperm count. Unfortunately, the sperm life cycle is three months, so you need to protect your guys during this time period. Wearing too tight of shorts or sitting with your laptop on your lap are other common things to avoid.

3. Get active

Find something that you like that gets you active three to five times a week for thirty minutes. This greatly affects not only your fertility, but also your level of happiness and the length of time you’re going to be on this planet.

4. Master your Timing & Save your Men

You need to figure out when she’s ovulating by either using pee sticks or taking her temperature every morning. Find out what that cycle is and support her to collect that information and then when that information is saying it’s time to roll, be ready to jump into action and go for it.

Be prepared by not masturbating three days prior so you can build up your sperm count and then you don’t just want to have tons of sex once it’s ovulation time. You want to space it out by a day and a half or two so once again your sperm count can get back up.

When you are having sex, use a vegetable oil or a pre-seed oil as a lubricant because even saliva or KY jelly decreases the mobility of your sperm. I know, it all gets really complicated but if you do all of these little things it does greatly increase your chance of making the system work.

5. Make Love & Prime your Pump

One other thing some research is showing is really important is that when you are actually conceiving, take the time to really make love. Connect emotionally and allow the experience of arousal to go up and down a couple times. If you just get in there, have sex and deliver the sperm, there’s some research that shows that the sperm is delivered, shall we say flaccidly and just drops out. Whereas if it’s been pumped for a while and the system’s really going, it is actually shot out and therefore distributed further up into the woman, which obviously helps.

Take that time to really enjoy yourself and don’t rush into it. Having an emotionally connected sexual experience really decreases your stress and increases your connection with your partner. Both of these really help to make babies.

6. Infertility Issues

Having difficulty conceiving a baby can be a real nightmare. It can devastate women. How we do or don’t support them in these moments has a great impact. Typically, it really shakes women at their core as they wonder whether or not they’re even going to be able to have a baby, what’s wrong with them, did they eat the wrong thing or do they have some genetic mutation. It can destroy them emotionally and it can be hard for us to be there for them in those moments, but just go and listen.

Put your hand on their back, look at them in the eye and let them talk about it. Don’t invalidate their feelings if they start getting really negative, just hear them. Give them space to be upset and if they’re available for you, ask the space for yourself as well. As men we are more likely feel it as anger and frustration, or depression and shutting down. Give yourself the space to talk about what’s like with your partner or with a friend if that feels more available.


1. Do what you can to take care of your own machine.
2. Learn how your partner’s cycle is working
3. Support the lovemaking to really be effective sex

Most importantly learn how to be there for each other in the emotional complexity of what arises and you will come out the other side as an even tighter, more empowered team.

Take care,
Julian Redwood, MFT